im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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