I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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