I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize