You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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