Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I have grass duct taped all over my body
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
