If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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