think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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