new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
