So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
