I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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