I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
