Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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