Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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