remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
