if i can run in heels then i can drive
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
