when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
