I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
