I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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