I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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