I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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