that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I want to be your penis for a week.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
