the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
