They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
