what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just puked most of my soul out..
You did what with his pubic hair?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
