Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
