I just saw a hot homeless man
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
