Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
How external is "for external use only"?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize