i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
