I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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