He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
