That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My life is pants optional.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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