u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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