I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
