The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
