oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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