Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
