We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
