Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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