I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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