How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
