Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
