Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
