I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
im about as happy as oj after his trial
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
