I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
