My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
