I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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