you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
