so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
