Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
