nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
