Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
