i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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