We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize