he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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