I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
we should paint friendship bongs
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
