Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
