You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You ate ashes out of my bong
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
