this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
