Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
