Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
