i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
