you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
