i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
