I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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