haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
