Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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