im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
