Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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