I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
