I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
