just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
