Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
