i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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