Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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