A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
