You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
