too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
